Taking ownership of one's education

Kids should become their own "biggest advocates."

Originally published in the Moultrie News.

I keep asking my child’s algebra teacher for access to her online materials and homework assignments (on a program called Canvas), but she hasn’t let me in. I’m my child’s biggest advocate, and he’s doing poorly in the class, so I need access to see what his homework is because he hasn’t been doing it. It feels like the school wants my son to fail. What can I do?

You say that you’re your child’s biggest advocate — and that may be fine for now — but your ultimate goal should be for him to become his biggest advocate. Nothing in your question suggests you’re on that track.

By the time a student is in algebra, he should be communicating directly with the teacher and managing his own assignments. If he’s not completing his homework, that’s the first issue to address — not whether you have access to the website.

Instead of pressuring the teacher, start holding your son accountable. Establish clear expectations and consequences. Set a minimum acceptable grade, and if he doesn’t meet it, take action: You can limit screen time, take away his phone or games, and make sure he studies each night where you can see him. Your job is to be his parent and coach, not his handler, nursemaid, or personal assistant.

If he’s struggling with the material, guide him to be proactive. Encourage him to talk with his teacher, ask questions, and seek extra help. That’s a critical life skill, and it’s a lot more valuable than you logging into Canvas on his behalf.

As an eighth-grade teacher, I often get emails from parents asking how their kids can improve their grades. That’s a bit like a doctor performing a checkup on the patient’s mother. I mean, shouldn’t the student be the one asking that question? Yet they rarely do. Many never seek or take advantage of extra help, don’t ask questions in class, and never let me know when they’re struggling. It would be one thing if we were talking about 7-year-olds — but these are teenagers who will soon be in complete control of two-ton vehicles, so a little self-advocacy should be expected.

Thus, the first step toward better grades is making your older child responsible for his own success. Once accountability becomes the expectation, growth will follow. But as long as parents act as their child’s academic proxy, the student will remain on the outside looking in, watching someone else negotiate their education.

By suggesting that the school “wants” your son to “fail,” you’ve developed an adversarial, “us versus them” attitude toward your single greatest ally in pursuit of your child’s education. That’s a dangerous mindset. When a parent sees teachers as the enemy, it creates a toxic environment for everyone involved — and the child often learns to manipulate that tension for his own personal advantage.

Teachers aren’t your opponents. They’re your partners, working toward the same goal you are. If you treat them as enemies, you undermine both them and yourself. A house divided cannot stand.

Now, after all that, if you still just want access to the website, the simplest solution is this: get it from your son. Everything on Canvas is available through his account. Have him show you his assignments or log you in himself. Insisting on separate parent access only confuses the teacher about who she’s supposed to teach — and confuses your child about who’s responsible for his learning.

It’s time for your son to take ownership of his education. It’s time to start making him his own “biggest advocate.” In short, it’s time to start landing the helicopter.

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Jody Stallings has been an award-winning teacher in Charleston since 1992 and is director of the Charleston Teacher Alliance. To submit a question, order his books, or follow him on social media, please visit JodyStallings.com.