Gen Z meets the real world
Why are some labeling Gen Z "the ghosted generation"?
Originally published in the Moultrie News.
I read an article labeling Gen Z the “ghosted generation” because dates, colleges, and employers keep saying no, and they aren’t handling the rejection well. My kids are part of this generation, so this worries me. Why are they so rejected, and can we help?
Rejection generally happens for one of three reasons. Let’s discuss ways to help Gen Z navigate these.
1. The individual is unqualified.
There are many obvious ways to improve kids’ qualifications for jobs and colleges, so let’s focus on one that isn’t: changing their mindset.
School often seems based on this formula: (1) Get good grades, so you can (2) get into a good college, so you can (3) get a good job. This gives kids the belief that if they do step one, steps two and three will inevitably follow.
But that’s not always the case. Colleges look at multiple factors. Jobs often require experience beyond what school offers. Gen Z hasn’t been conditioned to accept this.
We’ve also taught them it’s bad to work your way up. Have you ever said: “If you don’t get good grades, you’ll be flipping burgers the rest of your life”? Message: Flipping burgers is shameful. But if one wants to manage a high-profit restaurant, it might help to have flipped a few burgers in one’s life.
Likewise, adults often discuss community college as if it’s for losers. But starting small and working toward bigger goals doesn't hold anyone back.
So let’s improve the formula: Education is fuel, but hard work (practicing, doing a good job) and humility (starting small, following rules, listening) are the engine. Kids need both to reach their destination.
With that mindset, they’ll be better qualified for any career because no starting point will be too small and no goal too high.
2. The individual isn’t liked.
To get and keep a spouse or job, it helps if people like you. Unfortunately, Gen Z appears less likable than previous generations.
Today’s parents and teachers believe kids are innately wonderful. We’re discouraged from pointing out when a child’s actions are unappealing. We’re supposed to support their “authentic selves.”
But the real world doesn’t find our children’s quirks so charming. Having poor hygiene, interrupting, dressing sloppily, whining, wasting money, correcting others, slouching, mumbling, not reading the room, gloating, lacking self-awareness, being selfish, and so on are off-putting traits.
It helps when adults say: “Hey, that’s not how people respond well to you.” Kids benefit from knowing how to behave in ways others respect.
3. Life isn’t fair.
It’s good to teach kids to fight injustice, but they must also learn that life doesn’t always go their way.
In school, everyone passes. At home, kids get what they want. In real life, however, only one in 50 applicants gets the job.
Gen Z doesn’t get enough opportunities to develop resilience, so when life disappoints, they fall apart. We can help by teaching them that unfairness is part of living. As an adolescent, I saw Hurricane Hugo devastate innocent lives. It wasn't fair. Yet no amount of shouting into the wind could reverse the damage. We had to pick up the pieces and rebuild.
Kids need smaller, everyday chances to learn this. Instead, we interfere. Child fails a project? Mom gets the grade changed. Benched for missing practice? Dad fixes it with the coach.
One of my father's favorite words was tough. I’d say: “I have to rake the yard? I was supposed to hang out with friends!” My dad's answer: "Tough." No explanation needed. This was happening, and I had to deal with it. My recourse was to get the raking over with.
Today’s “Tough” is “I got you, Champ.” That makes parents feel heroic, but used too often, it strips kids of the ability to manage setbacks.
We wrongly blame Gen Z for their shortcomings, conveniently forgetting that Gen X and Millennials raised them that way. If they struggle, it’s on us. But with honest reflection and practical guidance, we can help Gen Z navigate a world that’s even more hostile than the one we knew.
Jody Stallings has been an award-winning teacher in Charleston since 1992 and is director of the Charleston Teacher Alliance. To submit a question, order his books, or follow him on social media, please visit JodyStallings.com.
Well Said!