Parental stress on the rise
Much of it is self-inflicted. How can parents help themselves?
Originally published in the Moultrie News.
People talk about kids’ stress and mental health, but parents face rising stress levels, too. What can be done to help?
Parental stress hasn’t gone unnoticed. In August 2024, the U.S. Surgeon General issued a special advisory on parents’ mental health and well-being. It noted that over the last decade, parents have consistently reported higher stress levels than other adults.
The advisory points to several causes: “From familiar stressors such as worrying about their kids’ health and safety and financial concerns, to new challenges like navigating technology and social media.” Bringing attention to parental stress is wise, though the proposed remedies — “policy changes and expanded community programs”— may not be the anodyne that a government bureaucrat expects them to be.
My experience over the last decade indicates that most parental pressure is self-inflicted. Parents can help lower it with practical, common-sense strategies.
For example, the most stressed-out parents seem to be those with the worst-behaved children. Parents of kids who are routinely wild, disobedient, excessively impulsive, rude, picky, needy, and spoiled often appear thirsty for the relief of an insane asylum.
Fixing the problem doesn’t take an act of Congress. It takes a commitment not to tolerate any more of your child’s crap. Stop feeding their pampered demands, skip the “Gentle Parenting” TikTok videos, and start laying down clear expectations and consequences. To be sure, making a radical change will spike your stress in the short run, but in the long run, it will benefit the whole family by improving behaviors that create tension and turmoil.
Another thing parents can do is stop over-recreating your kids. Today’s parents feel pressure to administer kids’ amusements through high-stress club sports and arts programming. These programs’ costs and uncompromising time commitments tax everyone’s patience. Since the likelihood of your child becoming the next LeBron James or Taylor Swift is statistically as likely as them turning into a giant oyster, let’s call these programs what they are: stressful, overpriced entertainment.
Instead, make kids go outside and play, paint, or build. If unorganized play stresses you out, sign up for less rigid Rec Department teams and programs. Your kids will still be entertained, and you’ll be mentally healthier.
The advisory listed “navigating technology and social media” as a stressor. Of course, it’s not so stressful if you make your kids put down their phones (or don’t give them one in the first place). To manage all the stress-free extra time they’ll have, see the above paragraph.
The Surgeon General also mentioned the pressure of kids’ financial concerns. It’s true your children will face economic challenges, so here are two suggestions to ease your worry:
First, live frugally. In my school, kids wear the latest fashions, ride e-bikes and golf carts, carry costly technology, and wield state-of-the-art sports equipment. Their parents live that way, too. So if the future looks economically bleak to you, stop reveling in extravagant indulgences and get back to less expensive, stress-reducing basics: fewer gadgets, more time together, meals at the table, free library books, family games, and other priceless pleasures.
Second, instill your kids with good financial habits. When you give them money, give cash so they can see it diminish as they spend. Set them up a savings account. Talk to them about investing for the future. You can’t change a national financial crisis, but you can change how ready they are to manage it.
One final simple way for parents to reduce personal stress is to pray for your children.
A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology showed that praying, regardless of religion, helped parents address problems and stress, reduced relationship tensions and fostered family unity.
It’s easy to see why. Relying on a higher power lightens emotional burdens and helps us cope with worries. Trusting that God had a plan for my children and that he could keep them safe definitely eased my parental stress.
Parenting is a pressure-packed enterprise, made all the more stressful by love for our kids. If you’re feeling the strain, remember that the most stressful problems often have the simplest solutions.
Jody Stallings has been an award-winning teacher in Charleston since 1992 and is director of the Charleston Teacher Alliance. To submit a question, order his books, or follow him on social media, please visit JodyStallings.com.