The fairness factor
Who's to blame when teachers send mixed messages?
Originally published in the Moultrie News.
My son's sixth-grade teacher gave him detention for chewing gum, but he was given the gum as a reward by another teacher. He knows it’s against the rules to chew gum, but since another teacher gave it to him, he thought it would be okay. I told the teacher this, but she didn't take away the detention. Isn’t this unfair?
There's plenty of unfairness here to go around. Let’s unwrap (the unfairness, not the gum).
Start with the gum-giving teacher, who was unfair to his students by rewarding them with forbidden treats. Gum is always against the rules in every school I’ve been in.
(Well, that's not true. It was allowed for a month at one middle school, but once everyone's soles were splotched with Bazooka Joe and their fingers sticky from pressing them into the gooey swamp of warm Hubba Bubba underneath their desks, the prohibition was reinstated.)
It’s strange that Mr. Gum-Giver would pick such a reward when there are so many permissible and well-liked alternatives (like stickers, certificates, and erasers). Treats that violate rules undermine respect for the rules. If the rules ban flip flops, but then your school holds Flip Flop Day, it stokes the suspicion that the ban is arbitrary and unnecessary. As a result, it encourages kids to break the rules at other times. (Exhibit A: your son).
Next is you. You’re being unfair to Ms. Detention. She's holding students accountable for following rules that keep the school clean. If you want to knock someone, knock Mr. Gum-Giver. (Warning: dated 70’s sitcom reference ahead.) When Greg Brady's mom found cigarettes in his pocket, he didn't get mad at his mom; he got mad at the dude who put them there. There’s a modern tendency to revile anyone who disciplines your kids and celebrate those who praise them, but don't bow to it; rather, examine each situation critically.
You’re also being unfair to your son. He's in sixth grade; he's not six. Why intervene on his behalf? Encourage him to talk to Ms. Detention himself. Teach him to be his own advocate. By robbing him of this easy opportunity to do so, you nudge him closer to learned helplessness.
Speaking of your son, he was probably unfair to Mr. Gum-Giver. Teachers who give out gum or candy — misguided though it is — almost always admonish students not to eat it in other classes. By not obeying, your son risks inciting faculty conflict should Ms. Detention complain to Mr. Gum-Giver that his “rewards” are stirring up trouble with parents.
Also, being 12 doesn't require you to make bad assumptions. “It's okay if I take this Xacto knife to recess because the art teacher let me use it” is illogical at any age. Knives are against the rules, and a one-off exemption doesn’t negate that. Using one exception as an excuse to chew anywhere unfairly instigates tension with teachers.
In my view, the only person here who appears to have acted fairly is Ms. Detention. True, she might have extended mercy in this situation (it certainly would have been in her own best interest), but perhaps she believed this wouldn't have been fair to the rest of the class, particularly those who had previously been punished for gum (maybe even some that same period). If you're standing in a long line and someone cuts you because “a cashier over there told me I could," you probably don’t view it as a fair deal. Likewise, if I had been punished for gum and then saw someone chewing with impunity because “another teacher said it was okay,” I’d feel cheated because gum is gum.
It’s challenging to be fair to a hundred students at once. It becomes even harder when the faculty can’t agree on the difference between a rule and a reward. But the message to your son that is likeliest to help him is this: listen to your teachers and obey the rules. If you think you’ve been treated unfairly, talk to them about it.
Jody Stallings has been an award-winning teacher in Charleston since 1992 and is director of the Charleston Teacher Alliance. To submit a question, order his books, or follow him on social media, please visit JodyStallings.com.