The pitfalls of helping with homework
Problems arise when parents get overzealous in helping their children complete homework, assignments and projects.
Originally published in the Moultrie News.
I want to support my children’s schoolwork, but I also know they need to become independent. How do I help my kids without doing their work for them?
Problems arise when parents get overzealous in helping their children complete homework, assignments, and projects. It can, for instance, deprive kids of crucial opportunities to accomplish important tasks on their own.
The most important way to help your child is simply to make them do the assignment. You’d be shocked how many parents don’t care whether their kids do any work at home. You’d also be surprised how many actually believe their kids when they say they have no homework, even though the child’s low grades provide clear evidence to the contrary. So just making the child finish what is assigned to him will reap untold benefits.
At that point, in fact, your responsibility is done. You needn’t do any heavy educational lifting for the child. Teachers don’t generally give assignments that require parental involvement. Everything the child needs is within his grasp. If the child says otherwise, don’t buy it.
That said, when kids struggle with their work, parents may opt to deliver more oversight. In that case, here are some guidelines to ensure your assistance doesn’t morph into a takeover.
Make them ask specific questions. Kids will lazily try to elicit help by asking broad questions (“How do I do this?”) or making statements (“I don’t understand this”). Such queries essentially ask you to reteach entire lessons, which most kids don’t need. Complying can show the child that he needn’t listen to the teacher. It can also hinder problem-solving skills by letting him off the hook for processing what he does know to help figure out something he doesn’t.
Here’s an example: when a child comes to me with a paragraph and says: “I don’t understand this,” I usually say: “Okay, what’s your question?” This helps them determine their own needs rather than lazily putting it on me to figure it out for them. If they say: “Can you help me understand this paragraph?” I don’t just tell them what it’s about; I try to guide them into determining where the misunderstanding lies. “Which sentence don’t you understand?” I’ll ask. If they point to the first sentence, I might say, “Which word don’t you understand?”
They often can’t identify a single word or phrase they don’t know, which means they can understand the whole paragraph if they review it systematically. I’ve found that “I don’t understand” often means “I don’t feel like understanding,” but being forced to think it through is a key way kids become independent learners.
Of course, there are always exceptions. If you see that a child is genuinely struggling to understand a concept, it’s fine to help them grasp the lesson in a new way. I still remember my father using mayonnaise jars, measuring cups, and milk jugs to help me understand units of capacity. But once the lesson is learned, let the child complete the assignment on his own. To put it another way, you can show him how to write a check, but he needs to pay his own bills.
Shedding tears and breaking pencils won’t get the work done, so don’t indulge a child’s melodrama. If he wants to fret, fume, and wail, let him do it in the privacy of his own room. After he’s calmed down, see the advice above.
Follow up when the assignment is complete. Many kids will modify the mission from “Write a lab report” to “Scrawl something on paper that might pass for a lab report.” If your child has done the assignment completely wrong or with slapdash effort, send him back to the drawing board. Things don’t have to be perfect, but the child does need to give it his best shot.
In fact, with most assignments, perfection isn’t the goal — effort, practice, and critical thinking are. Parents can coach kids to aim at those targets, but doing their work for them will never get them closer to the bullseye.
Jody Stallings has been an award-winning teacher in Charleston since 1992 and is director of the Charleston Teacher Alliance. To submit a question, order his books, or follow him on social media, please visit JodyStallings.com.
Read the original column here.