Today's kids are more childish, less childlike

Who's to blame for this dark and discouraging turn?

Originally published in the Moultrie News.

Now that the school year is almost over, have you learned anything new about this generation of kids?

I have, though I couldn’t have articulated it until I ran into a friend recently. He also works with kids, and we were discussing what makes the current crop so different from previous generations. He said that today’s kids are much less “childlike” and much more “childish.” I agree.

Childlike children easily trust others, but today’s children are more cynical. Some of that is good, as when they refuse to take rides from strangers. But what once was a healthy wariness is spilling over into derision for anyone who isn’t like them.

We see this in kids’ scorn for the elderly. We see it in students’ disrespect for those they don’t know. Nearly all of my office referrals this year were for kids I don’t teach who would ignore me when I told them to clean up their lunch mess or to stop yelling in the halls.

Childlike kids are curious to learn new things, but curiosity is on the wane. The moment I start to teach something I know they don’t already know, 85% of the class shuts down. Their attitude is that they’ll look it up on a preferred venue like YouTube when it’s time for the test. I have a shelf of interesting books in my classroom that I regularly update. Students used to ravage it daily, but it hasn’t been touched in three years.

Childlike kids are enthusiastic, especially about new experiences. But kids are becoming less interested in new ventures. They prefer the same old routine of scrolling through TikTok, playing video games, or sharing media on Snapchat. When our school has field trips, huge numbers of kids just stay home.

Childlike kids are often described as innocent, simple, and pure. This description stops suiting kids earlier in their lives with each passing year. Technology and a coarsening culture are forcing them to grow up too quickly. Pop songs, books, movies, and video games that aren’t infantile brain candy are saturated in socio-political themes, sexuality, and moral ambiguity. Children are exposed to drugs, pornography, and serious adult issues at much earlier ages.

On the other side, as kids are becoming less childlike, they are becoming more childish, a trait caused by adults’ unwillingness to correct them.

Childish kids have more emotional outbursts. They’re more willful and impulsive. If a child has an outburst in school, we remove the other kids, not the student throwing the tantrum. Kids are more willful because willfulness works: they learn early that if they stick to their guns, mom and dad will eventually give them what they want. They are more impulsive because their impulsivity gets favorable results as parents shield them from the natural consequences of their rash behavior.

Childish kids lie, deceive or blame others when something goes wrong, while childlike kids tend to be more honest. Cheating is at an all-time high. More kids than ever are unashamed to tell outright lies. They do so because they can get away with it. I regularly meet with parents who swallow every lie their child tells them, even when you prove the child’s dishonesty. And blaming others for one’s own bad judgment is a trait easily copied from parents.

Childish kids seek attention and can be narcissistic. It’s easy to become this way when you’re the subject of every video or when your dietary preferences decide every meal. When you win an award for every competition, take the stage to consistently adoring audiences, and are raised in a school environment steeped in praise and free from criticism, it’s unsurprising that you might think you’re God’s gift to the universe.

I do not blame children in the slightest for this dark and discouraging turn. On the contrary, it is adults who are to blame. Children will remain childlike as long as their parents, teachers, and caretakers value and nurture their innocence. They will become more childish if we persist in indulging their basest instincts.

They are who we raise them to become.

Read the original column here.