When small things become big things
In a classroom, minor frustrations multiply quickly.
Originally published in the Moultrie News.
My daughter’s teacher is overreacting to a small problem. She sometimes forgets to charge her tablet overnight. This makes her teacher furious, and my daughter gets detention. Her other teachers don’t care as much. I don’t need advice on how to teach my child to charge her own device, and I don’t need parenting advice. I just would love an acknowledgement that sometimes teachers overreact to small things.
Acknowledged. And your question demonstrates that parents do, as well.
In fact, we all do. I’ve met very few people lacking “pet peeves.” Chances are something gets under your skin: Messing up the hand towels in the bathroom. Leaving shopping carts in the parking lot. Holding up traffic with a golf cart.
Teachers have them, too: Being tardy. Forgetting a pencil. Sleeping. I have two: gum and spiral notebook paper. Gum is unprofessional and gets under the desks. And the little white edges on spiral paper end up on the floor, tainting my beautiful blue carpet. Pet peeves are human nature. And teachers are, you know … human.
Other teachers hardly care about the things that drive me crazy, but just because Mrs. Smith shrugs at gum doesn’t mean Mr. Stallings is irrational for disliking it. In this case, the teacher’s annoyed for good reason. When a student’s device isn’t charged, it stops class. The teacher has to find a charger, rearrange seating, and troubleshoot. Multiply that by several students, and valuable instruction time quickly evaporates.
That highlights a big difference between teachers’ pet peeves and most people’s: numbers. If the teacher’s annoyed by uncharged tablets, she has to manage it from multiple kids every day. That magnifies how much it gets under her skin. If a daily splotch of bird poop on your car annoys you, imagine a dozen.
You call it a “small thing.” Well, yes, if a student does it once or twice, it’s small. But when it happens continually, it grows from a minor mistake to major disrespect for the teacher.
I start the year telling kids that gum is a pet peeve, so please, please, refrain. Most kids comply. They like their teachers. They want to please them.
Then someone chews. I’ll make them spit it out and remind them why I dislike it. Then they do it again. This time, I issue a consequence; surely that will make an impression. Not always. Some kids are unbothered by the penalty and keep on chomping. Worse, they’re also unbothered by the fact that it’s rude to me. If you’re a teacher with feelings, that can hurt them.
“Don’t take it personally,” teachers are told when a kid repeatedly misbehaves. But at a certain point, it’s hard not to. Imagine your spouse knows how much you hate him answering texts during dinner. If he continues to do it, don’t you take that personally? Surely it’s just a forgetful act of self-indulgence — but it’s human to perceive it as a thumb in your eye.
The dynamic between students and teachers isn’t exactly like that, but there are similarities. The most important one is affection. Teachers care about their students. That’s why they work hard to craft good lessons, make their classrooms warm and inviting, and take work home. It’s why they tear up on the last day of school.
And no teacher asks for that same affection to be reciprocated. They understand their place in a child’s life. They don’t expect to be treated with the same devotion a child would give his parents. All they ask is a little respect: Be polite. Pay attention. Do your work. Follow the rules.
If only being in a family were so easy.
Per your request, I shall offer you no advice, but I will submit this truth to anyone else who may be reading: a small thing to you might be a big thing to a teacher, and a little respect for her feelings will go a long way for everyone.
Chargers, gum, and tardies are indeed tiny inconveniences … but the human quality of respect is great indeed.
Jody Stallings has been an award-winning teacher in Charleston since 1992 and is director of the Charleston Teacher Alliance. To submit a question, order his books, or follow him on social media, please visit JodyStallings.com.