The general practical problem with these punishments is that the child in question may just refuse to adhere to hem. And then, enforcing the burden to the child is (if it works at all) at least as much a burden to the parent as it should be to the child.
Examples:
- Tasking the child with bringing some stuff back to their room means actually standing there, making sure the child does what they do (and yet failing if they just won't).
- Forbidding the child from seeing a friend unless they did something first means actually guarding the door so they don't just rush out anyway.
- Forbidding the child from eating something/damaging or using their sibling's stuff, etc., also means effectively standing there to leave not a single chance for the child to sneak past me and creating a fait accompli.
This is doubly true with "adding something", some duty, because for the child, it is very simple to just not do what they are told. What am I going to do? Move their hands, as if they were a doll, thereby still essentially doing the task for them?
Time works in their favour, as at latest after some hours (if I can even spare that much time just doing *nothing*), I, or we, as a family, really need to do something else and I have to give up my guard of enforcement. Be it because we are leaving the house, possibly on a tight schedule to catch a train, because it is time for the next meal, or because the children have to go to bed.
I suspect my 10 year old is very aware of this dynamic and uses it against me, as in, they trust in me learning from the fact that these punishments serve more as a punishment to myself than to them.
The general practical problem with these punishments is that the child in question may just refuse to adhere to hem. And then, enforcing the burden to the child is (if it works at all) at least as much a burden to the parent as it should be to the child.
Examples:
- Tasking the child with bringing some stuff back to their room means actually standing there, making sure the child does what they do (and yet failing if they just won't).
- Forbidding the child from seeing a friend unless they did something first means actually guarding the door so they don't just rush out anyway.
- Forbidding the child from eating something/damaging or using their sibling's stuff, etc., also means effectively standing there to leave not a single chance for the child to sneak past me and creating a fait accompli.
This is doubly true with "adding something", some duty, because for the child, it is very simple to just not do what they are told. What am I going to do? Move their hands, as if they were a doll, thereby still essentially doing the task for them?
Time works in their favour, as at latest after some hours (if I can even spare that much time just doing *nothing*), I, or we, as a family, really need to do something else and I have to give up my guard of enforcement. Be it because we are leaving the house, possibly on a tight schedule to catch a train, because it is time for the next meal, or because the children have to go to bed.
I suspect my 10 year old is very aware of this dynamic and uses it against me, as in, they trust in me learning from the fact that these punishments serve more as a punishment to myself than to them.
Always good advice, Jody.