Kids have everything they want, little they need

Parents are seeing the results of a cultural reversal of fortune.

Originally published in the Moultrie News.

My kids and their friends always mope around, unmotivated to do homework or any work, some are in therapy. What confuses me is they’ve all got sports, video games, phones. If I had had those things, I’d have been the happiest kid on the block. What’s wrong with these kids?

Compared to prior generations, today’s kids have everything they want but little they need. What you’re witnessing may be the effects of a cultural reversal of fortune.

Let’s talk about the “wants.” I remember piling around a grocery store Pac-Man machine with quarters scraped from parking lots, waiting for a turn. Today, most kids — 75% according to studies — have hundreds of more advanced video games in their own homes.

You mentioned phones. Prior generations could never even imagine what would be available to them in handheld devices. Today, 91% of kids own their own smartphone by age 14.

What else do kids want? Pets? 70% of households own one. Sports? 61% of kids have participated in a team sport by age 17. Snacks and sweets? Junk food comprises 90% of kids’ diets.

An unfortunate “want” of many kids, both yesterday and today, is the high of drugs and alcohol. Alcohol has always been available, but drugs have been more difficult. Due to recent ill-considered policy relaxations, 70% of high school seniors now find marijuana “easy” to obtain.

Pornography is another “want” past and present kids, particularly boys, have pursued. Nudie magazines were once a secret luxury item, but today, there’s an endless stream of brutally graphic videos at kids’ fingertips, with 73% of teens saying they’ve viewed pornography online.

From one standpoint, kids live in a golden age, having most of their “wants” available on demand. However, some of those things are harmful and none of them are replacements for the needs that children are missing. I don’t mean necessities like food and clothing, but things the average child needs to grow up mentally and emotionally resilient.

Things like a strong, stable family. Studies demonstrate that family structure significantly influences children’s mental health, academics and other critical outcomes. Yet research shows only 65% of kids live with two married parents, and half will witness the end of their parents’ marriage.

Kids also need a good education, but studies show steep declines in academic achievement. According to Gallup, a record-low 36% of the public is satisfied with the quality of American education.

Children need positive role models. Past generations mirrored the values of people their parents knew, from teachers to athletes to superheroes. In a recent study, only 36.5% of children said they looked up to a teacher, while over half said they admired a YouTuber. Do you know which YouTuber or TikTokker your child views as a role model? Smartphones have dug a chasm between what parents and kids see, with each entrenched in their own worlds and kids’ media role-modeling outsourced to 2 billion strangers.

Kids have unprecedented access to organized team sports, but that means adults are constantly evaluating their performance. Kids need unstructured, unmanaged play, like sports of the backyard variety. A study in the Journal of Pediatrics cites the decline in play and independence as a key reason for children’s skyrocketing levels of sadness, depression and anxiety.

Kids also need discipline. As parents and schools grow increasingly conflict-averse with children, the ensuing lack of discipline is depriving kids of internal behavioral guardrails. 70% of educators in a recent survey said more students are misbehaving now than just a few years ago.

Children need hope and confidence. Studies showcase the benefits of believing in a bigger plan and purpose for our lives, but religious participation for kids is in decline. Fewer than 10% of high school seniors in 1980 said religion wasn’t important at all to them. That number has risen steadily, approaching 30% in 2021.

Parents have always had to self-restrict tendencies to give children everything they want, but those efforts need improvement now more than ever. More dangerous, however, is the decaying attention paid to what kids need. Until it’s restored, kids will struggle to thrive even under the most indulgent conditions.

Read the original column here.